Okay so picking up where I left off in part one, When I was in middle school my older sister had my first niece and I became an Aunt Caroline. Honestly that little girl to this day is the best thing that ever happened to me, I love my niece with all my heart and she taught me so much. My sister moved in with my dad and I after she had my niece so the first couple years of her life I got to be there for everything. It is truly amazing how much love you can have for a baby that's not even yours. I didn't like her stinky diapers or baby spit up but I still loved her in spite of all that. When I was in the seventh grade I lost my grandma and that was the first major loss I had ever been through in my life. It was devastating to me, but in my heart I knew how unhealthy she had been and I knew that she was now at peace. I still miss her every single day and she crosses my mind almost every day as well. After she passed my grandfather came to live with us. When I was in the ninth grade I met this guy, we started out as just friends but eventually I realized how nice he was and I started dating him. I was so nervous because things got serious really fast with him and I was so nervous the day he came to my house and met my dad. I didn't hit it off with his family right away, and I never understood why until recently. My biggest problem that people have with me is I am a very shy person and I don't say much when I meet someone and I guess because his family was loud and outgoing they took my silence as a threat. After dating my boyfriend for a year I decided to switch from my private school to his public school. When I switched schools I had this new found freedom where I thought I could skip school and do whatever I wanted, well this worked out really well until the day I went to get my driver's license and the school called my dad because it was day sixteen I had not been in school. My dad when irate and sent me to live with my mother, at this time I was in the end of my sophomore year and I was devastated. I didn't want to leave my boyfriend or my dad, I was so heartbroken. I didn't know where my relationship was going at this point but I knew I loved him and I wasn't ready for it to all be over. I cried and cried for days and after talking about it a million and one times my boyfriend and I vowed that we would make it work no matter what, and that's what we did. He came and saw me on weekends and sometimes I went to see him, I still wasn't allowed to get my driver's license so my dad would have to come get me from my mom's house. I hated my school, I had no friends and my mom made me ride the bus. I remember my first day getting off that bus I barely got off the bus before I busted out into tears. I was so heartbroken and disappointed at the choices and decisions I had made that got me here in a town where I knew no one and no one wanted to get to know me. I did not fit in at all when I started the high school down at my mom's, I ate lunch alone and I stood alone in the mornings out side my first class before it started, things could not get worse for me at that point. I felt like I had hit rock bottom and there was no up, I spent so many nights sobbing because I had no one. Until one day this girl finally talked to me, she was so nice and I was so happy to have a friend. After I met her she introduced me to so many people and we even had a class together so she helped me make friends and she sat with me at lunch. My junior year went better, I met people and had friends and I FINALLY got my license. I was so happy getting my license that I would be able to see my boyfriend more and more. My senior year I switched schools again, I know I went to a different school every year I was in high school, and I made friends quicker at this charter school because it was a smaller school and people seemed to be more accepting. I went through so much grief my senior year to try and graduate on time, I was taking college classes, high school classes, night classes, and last but not least and online class. I was very stressed all the time and struggled but I managed to graduate in May 2012 and it was one of the best days of my life. I had went from almost dropping out of school and failing my sophomore year to coming out on top and graduating on time my senior year. Being sent to my mom's was a blessing in disguise I got to become closer to her and better my education and it tested my relationship, showing me that if you really love someone and trust them distance does not matter. After graduating I made the really hard decision to move back to my dad's and go to college near him so I could see my boyfriend more (We've been together now for about five and a half years). I miss my mom every day but i still go and see her when I can. In September 2013 I lost my grandpa, who I grew really close to after he moved in with us, I was devastated. I was only five minutes away from the hospital when I got the call that he had passed away. When I got to the hospital I was in complete shock I didn't cry I didn't do anything really, I just kind of felt lost. This was my second major loss in my life and it hurt so bad but I know in my heart my grandpa is in a better place and is out of pain and I know he does not miss my grandma anymore. Knowing he was with my grandma in heaven finally is what helped bring me peace. The day I finally cried was the day of his viewing (also known as a wake). I saw him in the casket and I lost it, I knew that this was really the last time I would see him and the completely broke my heart.
So this is my life and I have had quite a few hard lesson I've had to learn but I feel like in the end it has made me a better person. I have a little more going on with me right now but I want to write about it in a different way than this so that will be in my next post!
Thank you as always for reading and taking your time to go on my journey. I hope you never feel like you're alone on your journey because there is always someone out there who loves you for YOU!
-Caroline
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